Alert-120

The chaos storm of being thrown back into civilization with only a week in between getting off the herc at the Trenton Airbase and loading up my car to journey out west made this entry a little late getting out. I have in fact arrived safely and relatively adjusted back but as time goes on, I can’t help but notice my thoughts wander 4,000km northward.

The week leading up to my flight, I was feeling pretty restless. Not that I wanted to get home that fast, but mostly because I knew the end was approaching and I didn’t quite know how to feel about it. Before coming up to Alert, I felt the same way. It was such a big change, and I wasn’t sure how I would handle it. Weirdly, I think I had a tougher time adapting to being back than adjusting to the arctic itself.

To the good people of Alert, thank you. I met a lot of amazing people, some of which I hope to keep being friends with down south (so far so good), though I think what makes Alert special is the constant flow of people, personalities, stories, and experiences. I have learned such an incredible amount about not only my field of environmental sciences, but of life in general. One of the things my mom first said to me when I got back was, “Wow, you look older,”. I guess being 21 will do that to you. Or hanging out with people upwards of triple your age for four months.

This is not the last I will see of Alert, but it will be the last that I see of many people I called friends, coworkers, acquaintances, and assholes. There is no amount of gratitude I can say or type that will sufficiently prove how much I cherished my four months in the great north with all of you, and I will carry my time there with me for the rest of my life. I will say hello again to CFS Alert and a whole new cast of characters in the summer of 2025, so, stay tuned.

Alright, if you’re not the reading type, feel free to disembark here. I have a whole page full of stuff I jotted down in my notes app on the plane that I’d like to share for those who care to stay 😊

THE NIGHT BEFORE [Wednesday April 24^th]

My room was empty, looking as it did when I first walked in December 29^th . It was ready for the next student to call it home for their tour and it will bare witness to the same but ultimately unique journey that I and many students before me had experienced. In the days leading up to my plane day the people around station would say things like, “Four months already, huh?” “You’re on tomorrow’s plane, right?” “How the time flies by!” It makes me feel a little awkward because it’s all true and I am not sure how to feel about it yet.

I was sitting playing one last game of crib with Melissa and Mailman, my buddies from day one, and I couldn’t help but reminisce. This would never happen again, even if I came back as a student. And I had to be okay with that. Cherish what is now and remember it fondly in the future. I’ve always hated saying goodbye.

During the clap out the next day, I hugged my friends goodbye and was clapped out with hoots and hollers and for a brief moment when that door behind me closed, I felt the rise of a sob in my throat but swallowed it. In fact, I didn’t cry until I got home on the following Friday as I sat and stilled myself for the first time since leaving.

The arctic has a way of getting into your mind and soul. That endless tundra, the quiet void as the snow dampens any sound, and the mountains that stand as monuments to time long ago. It’s not desolate as I had once described in one of my first entries. It’s perfectly still, in a delicate balance with the dance of life that will come and go without a trace left behind. You can spot the life if you have an eye for it and appreciate how it can thrive in an environment that on first glance, should reject anything with an expiration date.

It’s truly astonishing how much of Canada belongs to the arctic. You can’t fully grasp the concept until you have been in the air for over 6 hours, look out the window, and still see ice and snow without a tree in sight. A 6-hour flight can almost get you from west coast to the east coast in its entirety.

It worries me that to comprehend the climate crisis at hand, even just the vastness of the country in general, I had to be in that plane in the first place. So many people’s values and beliefs would be altered if they explored further north and finally accepted that Sudbury is unfortunately, still central Ontario. In my books it is anyway but for the sake of not starting an argument, I’ll call it ‘northern’ Ontario.

Being back has been not as bad as I think I am portraying; it’s mostly been eye-opening to things you wouldn’t normally bat an eye at without being removed from civilization for some time. I like to say I enjoy the convenience of civilization, but I didn’t miss it at all.

A list of things I noticed upon getting back starting with silly to serious:

1. Birds in the sky – Getting off the plane in Trenton, it was almost 9pm and the sun had just set. A pair of Canadian geese flew over the airfield, and I watched in astonishment and realized that I had in fact not seen a single bird for quite some time. Same with bugs. I love moths but I instinctively slapped one out of the air as it dive bombed me outside the terminal.
2. Cars are super low to the ground and in fact go very fast – I kept eyeing my mom’s speedometer whenever we passed a speed sign. She was going the speed limit, so why did it feel so fast? Well, a track truck can only go a max of 40, which is really 30 in practice. Even in the tire trucks, no one went faster than 50.
3. Not suiting up to go outside – Not that spring weather in Canada is easily predictable but it seemed that whenever I went outside, I instinctively layered and brought a hat with me. That’s all well and good until you’re wearing a sweater, jacket, and hat in 18 Celsius and shed more and more as you continue on with your walk.
4. Options, options, options – Standing at a Freshii waiting for my Teriyaki Twist bowl, I was staring at their little side fridge with kombucha, snacks, etc. So many flavours of each, or variations of one thing or another. Would they ever get eaten or would they be tossed when they go bad? Was the display for the sake of display of abundance itself just like endlessly stocked grocery stores? I lived quite contentedly with minimal choice, and I wondered how many people would realize they could too if they tried.
5. Phone symbiosis and wifi – Going from keeping my phone in my room and only connecting it to an ethernet for internet maybe twice a day to now having it attached to my hand and always connected has been the biggest adjustment. In Alert, after a while I could only spend maybe 10 minutes on social media before getting overwhelmed and unplugging. Being back to the constant drip feed and endless dopamine hits of all the information the world has to offer has been incredibly overwhelming to say the least. Out of everything, this has been the worst thing I have had to cope with. I know the internet is a cesspool that rides off of innate human insecurities, but I can’t help but think, “Has it always been this bad or am I just noticing it now?” Either way, Instagram is on a strict 30-minute screen limit for the foreseeable future.
6. Agoraphobia – I’ve always been a little agoraphobic. I dislike movie theatres, concerts, or anywhere with large, unpredictable crowds and one of the main reasons I avoid caffeine, it kind of causes me to freak out. On the way back from Trenton on the Friday, we stopped at the Toronto Premium Outlets and boy howdy, fuck that. Being in a place where everyone knows everybody and it’s easy to socialize just as easy as it is to retreat, public spaces in the city are now my worst nightmare. I am glad I have a week on the road with just me, myself, and I as hopefully, an adjustment period.

So yeah! Despite not sticking to any kind of update schedule, I’ve really enjoyed doing the blog and will probably continue to do so for my summer job, though I may ditch the The Thing theme-ing once I add the Alberta entries. Thank you to everyone who has kept up with these entries, and I hope you also brought home a little piece of the Arctic with you. Despite how much I miss being in the land of ice and snow, I am happy to be home and begin yet another adventure to the last of the untouched prairie grasslands that Canada has to offer.

I love going from one dying ecosystem to the next B)